My Muzzah is a TYRANT!

I have begun calling my human muzzah, "Tyrant." She has done much to deserf zis title. Efery day she finds new vays of asserting her need to implement countless deeds of injustice.

Today, like most days, I vus enjoying a peaceful stroll upon ze kitchen counter tops. I find zat it is essential to vun's vell being to make time each day for such soul filling moments. Humanz obviously do not understand zis...zey are a close minded tribe.

So, zehr I vus haffing a happy time on my stroll, and I decided to sit down near ze coffee maker to reflect upon life and all its beauty. Zat is ven ze TYRANT noticed me.

Did she say, "OH, Augustus! You are such a wise and handsome king of ze cats! How I admire your depths and ze beautiful lessons zat you provide! You are surely my most favorite of ALL ze cats I haf evuh encountered!"

No. She did NOT say zat. Instead she said, "Goose! Get off ze counter!!!"

(She has taken to calling me Goose...vich is a CLEAR insult to my cathood!)

So...I yawned at her and said, "NO."

To vich she responded, "You better get down from zehr RIGHT NOW, young man!"

I calmly stared at her and blinked and said, "Ze floor is lava. I must stay vehr I am."

Zen she raised her voice and said, "GOOSTUS! GET DOWN Do NOT make me come over zehr!!"

I said, "BE GONE SPECTER! You are CLEARLY in  ze SPIRIT REALM, as you haf been dissolved into a great puddle of simmering liquid MAGMA!" And zen I added, "AND DO NOT CALL MY GOOSTUS! MY NAME IS AUGUSTUS, ZE GREAT GOLDEN WARRIOR AND YOU VIL RESPECT ZAT!!!"

Zen ze tyrant marched up to me and put her hand on my bottom and PUSHED me off ze counter!

I trotted avay shouting, "BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! ZE TYRANT IS OPPRESSING ME!!! I MUST BE AVENGED!!!"

But no vun came to my aide and some of my bruzzahs and sistahs ver snickering...AND I DID NOT LIKE IT!

I vil now go and take a glorious poo and zen sit my schtinky bottom on ze tyrant's pillow! ZAT vil surely reprimand her for her blatant tyranny!