Augustus the Hungry Kitten (On sibling rivalry)

"One of my bruzzahs is named Mithrandir. He is mostly ze color grey and he is partially fluffy like me. But he is NOT AS fluffy as me and zerfore clearly NOT superior!

Mithrandir struts about haughtily ven ze humanz are not looking and he brags zat he has ze most fanciful and beautiful name. I sink it is a strange and confusing name and I tell him zat surely ze humanz just threw three syllables togezzuh at random and gave him a NONSENSE name because zey sought he did not DESERVE a great and MAJESTIC name such as Augustus!

Ze bigguh cats zen told us zat ze name is from a great story about strange humanz zat go on adventures to save ze vorld from evil and destruction. It is called Ze Lord of ze Rings. 'Mithrandir' vas a term zat ze pointy-eared humanz called ze vizard named Gandalf. Zey said it meant he vas a grey wanderer. 

Zis story made my bruzzah, Mithrandir, boast and strut about all ze more, so zat he vas IMPOSSIBLE to live wis! BUT, ze bigguh cats ALSO said zat in ze tale, ze Gandalf vizard becomes a more powerful vizard and ZEN is NO LONGER GREY but is zen VITE! 

So I told my bruzzah, 'You see? YOU are named aftuh somevun who is in zer LESSER form! YOU are a grey vizard. YOU are NOT POWERFUL ENOUGH to be a VITE vizard!!!'

Zen, Mithrandir said zat ze bigguh cats told HIM zat I vas named aftuh a fat and greedy German boy who visits a chocolate factory!

I screeched at him, 'NO ZIS IS NOT TRUE!!!' And I launched myself into ze air and TACKLED him and BIT HIS BOTTOM AS HARD AS I COULD so zat he cried out!!!

Ze humanz came and scooped him up and comforted him. And he looked up at zem vis his giant round eyes so zat zey felt sorry for him. 

I ran aftuh ze humanz as zey valked avay vis him, and I shouted up at zem, "Do not belief him! He is NOT ze innocent being zat his eyes suggest! Do NOT fall for zis TRICKERY!!!' But ze humanz vud not listen to me. 

And so I called out to Mithrandir, 'I SEE you for vat you TRULY are! Your big eyes do NOT fool me!! Efryvun else may belief your scared and confused looks, but NOT I!!! I SEE YOUR TRUTH!'

But he just made faces at me vis his disgusting big cat eyes! I vas SO filled vis rage zat I vent and schtomped about in ze excrement box and zen stood in his food bowl and turned circles so zat unspeakable filth vud zen be laced into his next meal!

Daniel said zat I vent too far, but I SAY ZAT YOU SHOULD NOT UNDUH-ESTIMATE ZE SCHTINCKY PAWS OF JUSTICE!!!"