Augustus the Hungry Kitten: (On raccoons)

"Tonight vile Daniel and I ver playing by ze glass doors to ze outer vorld, ve ver interrupted by a great commotion on ze deck. Two BANDITS appeared out of ze darkness! Zey ver HUGE and zey vore masks and zey had eyes like ze devil! 

'AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!' I cried! 'ZER ARE BANDITS HERE!!! VILLAINS!!! BANDITS!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!' I turned to run so swiftly zat I banged into ze vall!

Daniel and I hid around ze corner so zey vould not see us, and ve vatched zem steal and eat ze cat food in ze outer vorld. Daniel vas very frightened, but I told him it vud be alright. He said he vas very glad to haf a friend like me zat is so strong and brave and who has long beautiful yellow hair and who schmells so very nice.

I told Daniel zat I vas glad to be his strong, best friend, too. Zen ze bandits came to ze glass and looked in at us. And I sink I peed a little. But soon zey ver gone, and Daniel and I could come out of our hiding.

I vil not soon forget zese devils who steal ze food. For, zey vil live in my nightmares..."