Augustus the Hungry Kitten: (On embarrassment)

"Last night I got a piece of poo zat vas half as long as my leg schtuck to my behint. It vas matted in ze hair of my tail and vas impossible to dislodge. My bruzzahs and sistahs called me, 'schtinky poo bottom' AND I DID NOT LIKE IT!

Zen, ze humanz tried to drown me vis bubbles and varm vatah. I cried out for help but no vun vould come to my aid! Zey stopped ze torture before I died, so I can only assume zat zey are keeping me alife for zer own amusement. BUT, ze joke is on zem! Becauz aftah ze vatah torture, ze POO VAS NO MORE! Ha HA!

OH, I hear zem getting ze food out! I must go!"

(waddles away in a frenzy...then from a distance...)

"Vait! VAIT!!! I haf been tortured! I shoult eat FIRST! And at ze BIGGEST 
BOWL!!!"